This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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