I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
