I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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