my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
