STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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