You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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