Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
