dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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