last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
