I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
