I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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