I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There r osticjed everywhere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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