Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
