I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
