The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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