You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
