i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
