I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
