Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
