I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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