$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
now i know why i became what i already was.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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