Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
