I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
