he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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