New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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