I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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