When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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