She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
