oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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