foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
