Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
