does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
