thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
