he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
