I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
