Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
