There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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