she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How external is "for external use only"?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
