This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
