Three words: puerto rican gang bang
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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