You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
