Pappa wants mamma naked
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
