I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
