maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
