i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
