I can text with my tongue
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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