i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
