At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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