Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just invented taco cereal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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