Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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