i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
