so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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