Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
