True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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