I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize