Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
