You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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