Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
