the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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