Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
