New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
